The Bollywood music and culture always intrigue me...with its extreme expressions of emotions, both desirable and difficult ones. The songs have a mood of their own, which when listened to can stroke your heart in the direction it is flowing or rip it apart with its sharp-edged currents going the other way. This writing is flowing after another one of my silent rendezvous with my favorite Medicine lake on a rainy Saturday coupled with a dose of my so called favorite songs. I curbed my emotional state to just expressing through this writing after having to stop the urge to go soak in the rain as it was in the 60's and chilly.
Some of us are created special. We are tinged with extreme sensitivity and awareness of the world we live in, from an emotional and human perspective. Somehow we are able to hover over even our own personal situations and rationalize events objectively. We are able to explain others' behaviors even if they affect us negatively and always able to give the benefit of doubt. Compassion and love flow like no other from our hearts.. and the hearts get broken or stabbed or simply poked at multiple times as the portal is always open. We let it happen...but we bless the ones that do it and move on.
We are so close to the divine, that we become divine. We want to give and forgive, even if the people around us only want to get and forget. We become tickets to prosperity and receive attention in a single dimension. Yet we survive because we operate at a different plane of existence. Normal rules of desires, wishes don't and cannot apply to us. You will find us in special situations, almost always. The situation is demanding, and unbelievable even. Sometimes deemed as theoretically impossible..but we exist. Significantly.
Being in this plane of existence teaches us to teeter between the material pulls and things that we are supposed to "enjoy" and the real world as we perceive it. Everything seems like a bubble after the momentary pleasure it offers. We gather a string of those those bubbles relentlessly, nonetheless. The multiple experiences perhaps creates a callousness that becomes the foundation or the bed for the emotions to rest on. There is no soaking in anything with sustainability.. there are only spikes of superior and beautiful states of mind that get imprinted to be carried forward as memories. We are not expected to expect sustainability.
We become experts at self-sufficiency. Especially emotional ones. The definition of family and friends is quite contorted in our minds were you to compare us to the worldly structures that exist around us. In our world, there are no egos. There is only giving endlessly. People come and go.. and we continue to connect and give. Back lashes do exist, but it all becomes part of the existence and become the smaller pieces of the mosaic called "this year" or the "next..." whatever numbers you want to put next to them from the Gregorian calendar. We become Lord Tennyson's brook in the brook's song "For men may come and men may go.. but I go on forever"..men here obviously means the larger humanity.
We are yet forced to exist within constraints. Because we are so special, even a small possibility of a deviation from the "norms" can create ripples the size of tsunamis. I am now reminded of the robotic arms that are multiple scales larger than human arms but yet we operate them. Even a tiny movement from the small human hand, can knock something big as the robotic arm moves. In the spirit of objectivity, let me be fair. The giving does happen, in some beautiful unspoken connections, but it ebbs and flows, and we lose some of the mental elasticity as we get pulled and pushed. And the giving that existed seems like a mirage of where you have become an outlet to someone else's unfortunate situation, just because you happen to be there. You deal with it because you love them unconditionally.
Every moment of wonderment is cherished by us. There are a lot of moments of puzzlement as well, as the frequencies of giving don't match with the others. Over the years we learn that love is unconditional; it is not something just to be received but to be given in abundance; it wants to give with no limits but does not expect anything in return; it is forgiving; there is only one universal love on which we put multiple layers; these layers can be friendship, intelligence, romance, family, physical beauty, success, talents etc.; when you peel the layers off there is just white light everywhere; but again - we are all in a perpetual state of waiting - waiting for people around us to catch up with us and sing in this beautiful frequency.
"Tum Mile to mil gaya aasman" - beautifully conceived by a poet but really? Who really wants aasman these days? I personally just want some sanity sprinkled with a few smiles here and there. Unfaltering and unwavering consistent positive connection, that's not aasman is it?
Life is made up of small memories that are precious. Like the grains of the sand or the droplets of rain that make huge beautiful rainbows even though temporary. And I just want to collect those tiny droplets of memories tainted with love.. for what good is life with no rainbows to share...
Oh did I say "share"? I am incorrigible..am I not? But I'm sure you will understand if you are one of us;-)
